Now we arrive at Step Twelve and begin to live in the solution. We have been given a life full of promise, as Step Twelve states, "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and we practiced these principles in all our affairs." This is the gift of recovering from a hopeless state of body and mind and in my personal experience, is a challenging step to maintain. Why, because ongoing rigorous honesty, is required and is the basic principle found when doing the Fourth Step inventory. Yes, in writing the Fourth Step, we learn only deep and thorough honesty will lead us out of our dilemma. To recognize the selfish things we have done in our lives, while never considering the consequences of those actions and to recall how we may have known better but did it anyway and then to "turn it around", is not an easy task.
Step Twelve could be thought of as the step where the "rubber meets the road". To live a spiritual life; a life where we know and do the next right thing. This is particularly challenging when the next right thing does not fulfill the ego's desire to run the show. This said, when we fail to practice Steps Ten and Eleven on a daily basis, the ego arises and slowly but surely will undermine our best intentions.
Without pretending to know everything about alcoholism and addiction, though I have personal and professional experience in both; I experienced the Fourth Step inventory uncovered fear as the main generator of a life lived on self-will. This fear, along with the overwhelming desire to seek relief from the numbing affect of alcohol is the root cause of addiction in its myriad of forms. When we are uncomfortable within, we seek externally whatever is necessary to alleviate this sense of inner unrest. This said, we now understand the role trauma plays in alcoholism and addiction. We also know within trauma, fear finds a home.
This said, when Steps Ten and Eleven are practiced on a daily basis, the impervious ego rests. Thankfully, when a personal inventory is complete and amends are made in Steps Eight and Nine, we are ready to live and grow in steps Ten, Eleven, and Twelve. With a consistent practice of reviewing our day, as presented in Step Ten, along with prayer and meditation in Step Eleven, we build a defense against the ego's desire to run the show. Thus, prayer and meditation calms the ego and we are able to maintain spiritual equilibrium.
Now full disclosure, like many others I've struggled with a daily adherence to a practice of meditation. Gratefully, I continue to seek the spiritual path and have found without a daily meditation practice, spiritual progress is slow and compromised. Also, while this is true and uncomfortable to admit, the lessons I've needed return and will continue to do so, until I give enough time, energy, and effort to Steps Ten and Eleven daily, which brings me to something I've never forgotten. When I was thirteen or so, my mother clearly upset with me, said,
"Patsi, why do you always learn the hard way?" And this question is resolved when Steps Ten, Eleven, and Twelve are a daily practice. We have free will and may choose to strike out on own without the guidance of Something Greater than we, however we are likely to slide back to where we started, afraid and bewildered, not knowing who we are or what we came here to do.
Gratefully, the solution is found in the clear-cut directions on the first 164 pages of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. On those pages we find a clear-cut pathway into the Source of Love. Now, my focus is to share this wisdom journey with those who are ready to find their misplaced heart. I'd offer without a sincere plea for help to the Divine and the amazing Grace given freely, I'd still be trying to escape into the abyss, instead of embracing this life with all I've got. I'm humbled by the pain I've needed to bring me where I am today, finally willing instead of willful, at least most of the time. An ongoing prayer chant, "Please, please, show me the way to you."
Inward Grace maintains a clear distinction between spirituality and religion
The Inward Grace disclaimer:
“The word ‘spiritual’ does not refer to religious matters. All activity which drives the human being towards some form of development-physical, emotional, mental, intuitional, social–if it is in advance of her/his present state, is essentially spiritual in nature and is indicative of the livingness of an inner divine entity.”
Step Twelve
Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps. we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and practice these principles in all our affairs.
Below is an excerpt from Richard Rohr’s writing on Step Twelve from his book, “Breathing Under Water, Spirituality and the Twelve Steps”.
Until people's basic egocentricity is radically exposed, revealed for what it is, and foundationally redirected, much religion becomes occupied with rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, cruising with isolated passengers, each maintaining his or her personal program for happiness, while the whole ship is sinking. I'm afraid Bill Plotkin, psychologist and agent of change is truthful and fair when he says we live in a "patho-adolescent" culture. One of the few groups that name that phenomenon unapologetically is Alcoholics Anonymous. Read, for example, page 62 of the Big Book: "So, our troubles are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves; and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he or she does not think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must or is kills us!" What courage it to him to talk this way.
Why can't we all be that honest--and therefore truly helpful. Well, Step Twelve found a way to expose and transform the pathological adolescence by telling us early on we must serve others. It is not an option, not something we might eventually be "called" to after thirty-five religious retreats and fifty years of church service; it is not something we do when we get our act together. No, we do not truly comprehend any spiritual thing until we ourselves give it away. Spiritual gifts increase only by "using" them whereas material gifts normally decrease by usage . . .
. . . Again and again, you must choose to fall into a love that is greater with both friends and children. It is all training for The Love that is the Greatest. All loves are a school of love, and their own kind of vital spiritual experience--until a lasting Relationship with the Real finally takes over. You learn how to "fall in love' by falling many times, and you learn from many fallings how also to recover from the falling. How else would you? But best of all, you only know what love is by falling into it, almost against your will, because it is too scary and too big to be searched out, manufactured or even imagines ahead of time. Love, like God, "is a harsh and dreadful thing' according to Russian writer Fyodor Dostoyevsky. I wonder if that is why we both want but also avoid a vital spiritual experience?
Photo of Belfast Harbor, April 2024